A month ago, I prattled on about movies coming out on DVD. Since then, most of them have become decorations on my movie shelf. All were enjoyable in their own way, but to be fair they need some scrutinizing. That's where the blog comes in. I'd go to Facebook and write a "note," but their blog program sucks. I'd go back to Myspace where these rants gestated, but seriously, who still uses Myspace that doesn't do drugs or continues to be fictional friends with Selena Gomez? That's why I like you, Blogger; you can be placed anywhere and you kinda-sorta work to my favor. Anyway, let's talk movies. Or write.
G.I. Joe takes the best parts of what makes the Transformers flicks sell and combines it with regular people doing crazy stunts. Not to dwell too far into the plot, but most of it pertains to the plight of sexual frustration between the Joe's Dudley Doright, Duke, and pretty much half the reason to watch this, Baroness. I mentioned that it also has a Wayans brother not compromised by prosthetics or CGI, and I have to admit Marlon does a decent job playing a semi-serious role (although he spends most of his time trying to pry off Scarlett's skintights). But there are some problems, like why is Destro Irish, why does Cobra Commander act like a wacky mad scientist, and why does Snake Eyes look kinda doofy? These are never answered, and of course it's all about the bad guys and good guys fighting over an item that will destroy the world with crazy chase and fight scenes. To purists of the franchise, this could potentially kill your love for all things Joe. For newcomers or those with hazy memories (I fall into the latter), it's dumb fun.
Pixar's latest venture, Up, is neither its best nor its worst. It's the story of Carl Fredricksen, whose life is summed up in the first ten minute of the movie (ending with a huge BAWWWWW factor I didn't even see coming). Now a curmudgeon, he decides that instead of settling for living in a retirement home, he'll jerry-rig his house to fly where he promised to go and explore years ago. He accidentally obtains a buddy, a wilderness scout named Russell, who tests the old fart's patience when he befriends a bird named Kevin and the epic talking dog, Dug. Up takes the dramatic storytelling of its previous entry, WALL-E, and kicks it up times ten. While it's still an incredible film, it detaches further from seeming like a kid's flick and more of a experiment of American animation telling a properly serious story. This could appeal to some people that got burned out on dreck like Monsters, Inc. or Cars, but I'm glad to see that Pixar will be playing it safe with its next film, Toy Story 3. And if you don't like Toy Story, well, fuck you.
Bruno (umlaut excluded because I don't know any better) is the third and final entry in Sacha Baron Cohen's trifecta of Ali G Show movies. Bruno is the eccentric, uber-gay fashion show guru that would crash said shows with insane suggestions and believeable interviews. In fact, I felt that Bruno was the tamest of the three Ali G characters because he never provoked much skepticism or hatred from his prey, at least when compared to the retarded gangster Ali G and the hopelessly foreign Borat Sagdiyev....boy was I in for a goddamn surprise.
Bruno does something that the previous movie, Borat, didn't - Baron Cohen smartly take the character out of the familiar territory of the TV show and does something different. In this case, it's Bruno's quest to become a world-famous celebrity. He tries to start charities, finalize world peace, adopt a foreign child, and even a stint at becoming straight, all the meanwhile patchworking a story amid the pranks. Bruno wasn't as much hilarious as it was "oh goddamn, what's going to happen when he does THIS?!" And I should probably forewarn any potential watchers: this movie is GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Not random naked dude in Jackass gay, or award-winning Sean Penn biopic gay, I mean helicoptering close-up dicks gay. So if you like your movies un-gay, or cannot handle crazy flaming jokes, or got really bother by the wrestling scene in Borat, this isn't for you. At all. Sure, there are some tits in the movie too, but that won't save you. The ending might, as it mocks the audience NOT intended for Bruno. I was pretty amused by it all.
For not being a Trekkie or a Trekker or a Trekbrohan, I quite enjoyed J.J. Abrams Star Trek. It's not going to make me a fan of the series, as I know better, but as a standalone film it's actually quite good. All I needed to know were the original characters, and I had that covered... thanks, Futurama! I can't say much more, as this movie acts as more of a series of winks to the true fans of Star Trek, but I could catch on to the various catchphrases tossed out by the crew of the S.S. Entreprise. It's also kinda fun to see 1/2 of Harold and Kumar as Sulu, The guy from Spaced as Scotty, and Zoe Saldana is pretty hot. Spoiler alert: Kirk humps a green chick. Bonus.
Bruno does something that the previous movie, Borat, didn't - Baron Cohen smartly take the character out of the familiar territory of the TV show and does something different. In this case, it's Bruno's quest to become a world-famous celebrity. He tries to start charities, finalize world peace, adopt a foreign child, and even a stint at becoming straight, all the meanwhile patchworking a story amid the pranks. Bruno wasn't as much hilarious as it was "oh goddamn, what's going to happen when he does THIS?!" And I should probably forewarn any potential watchers: this movie is GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Not random naked dude in Jackass gay, or award-winning Sean Penn biopic gay, I mean helicoptering close-up dicks gay. So if you like your movies un-gay, or cannot handle crazy flaming jokes, or got really bother by the wrestling scene in Borat, this isn't for you. At all. Sure, there are some tits in the movie too, but that won't save you. The ending might, as it mocks the audience NOT intended for Bruno. I was pretty amused by it all.
For not being a Trekkie or a Trekker or a Trekbrohan, I quite enjoyed J.J. Abrams Star Trek. It's not going to make me a fan of the series, as I know better, but as a standalone film it's actually quite good. All I needed to know were the original characters, and I had that covered... thanks, Futurama! I can't say much more, as this movie acts as more of a series of winks to the true fans of Star Trek, but I could catch on to the various catchphrases tossed out by the crew of the S.S. Entreprise. It's also kinda fun to see 1/2 of Harold and Kumar as Sulu, The guy from Spaced as Scotty, and Zoe Saldana is pretty hot. Spoiler alert: Kirk humps a green chick. Bonus.I'm going to leave the reviews at that. For your health.
-C.
