When the first of two downloadable GTAIV supporting games came out last February, I balked. Mostly because I didn't have any clue how to access Xbox Live at the time, and by the time I could kind of, sort of figure it out I found out that it would eventually come alongside the promised second side game on a game disc. Patience is sometimes a virtue. So AWAY WE GO!
The Lost And Damned is the first game, following the adventures of Johnny Klebitz. a no-nonsense biker and vice-president of the Lost gang. Shit hits the fans when their chapter president, Billy Grey, gets released from confinement and the gang begins drug trafficking and otherwise tearing apart at mended wounds with the rival gang, the Angels of Death. Johnny doesn't want any part in this, and tries to keep things civil until Billy kicks one too many figurative babies and the gang becomes persona non grata.
Most of the missions involve bikes, which sounds scary until one realizes that Rockstar seems to have fixed a lot of the driving issues that plagued GTAIV. The game also encourages calling your biker buddies to pitch in with replacement bikes, cheaper guns and ammo, and actual participation in missions. Since most missions involves repetitious shoot-outs, it's also good to know that the shooting and cover system works a hell of a lot better than before. And while characters like Johnny are somewhat likeable, most aren't as memorable, except maybe the corrupt politician Thomas Stubbs, whose full frontal scene stirred maybe ten minutes of controversy. See for yourself, but for the sake of humanity I've replaced the polygonal cock with a picture of a fat kid eating cake.
Overall, TLAD served up a bite-sized story arc in the GTAIV universe that went over much easier than GTAIV's jump-around plot. And while missions were pretty much drive-shoot-repeat, they weren't overhauling thanks to a new mission restart feature added to the series starting here. And TLAD works a lot better as a small story anyway, as a little biker went a long way.
The Ballad of Gay Tony acts as the end-capper to the GTAIV saga. The game has you play as Latin playboy Luis Lopez, the right-hand (and strictly hetero, bro) man of Tony Prince, A.K.A. Gay Tony, the spastic owner of two of Liberty City's premier nightclubs. The game starts with the news that Gay Tony is borrowing money to help keep his clubs in his pockets, and people are coming out of the woodwork to collect. Thus begins a madcap series of events that lead to the ultimate (and awesome) conclusion. Along the way, we meet an innocently racist and rich Arab, a Russian mobster who yells "cunt" a lot, and the older, assier brother of GTAIV's loveable Brucie.
Perhaps the biggest addition to TBOGT is the parachute, which act as a catalyst for a few missions and base-jumping activities. San Andreas introduced them before, but here they show off just how fucking brilliantly big Liberty City 2.0 is. Upon reaching the top of the tallest structure in the city, I actually felt woozy. Observe.
Unlike the previous two games' basic mission structutes, TBOGT throws you into mega gauntlets, with missions involving stealing helicopters and subway cars, blowing up cranes and airplanes, and parachuting onto boats then racing them to cars and then racing those to the finish line. This style of insanity leads back to the days of San Andreas where I'd lethargically gel on the couch while dicking around with choppers. And once you beat the game, you can go back and replay them individually if that tickles your pickle. Although the game doesn't adorn you with jet-packs and multiple safe houses, TBOGT leads the charge in what GTAIV was meant to be: fucking fantastic. With more memorable characters, the epic return of Brucie, and an otherwise lighter story tone, this one takes the cake. The GAY cake! Ha Ha! Actually, the title itself is pretty misleading, as there's more straight shooting in this game, with one scene of Luis banging out some broad on the club's bathroom sink. Schwing!
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